


Singled Out

by TheWinterAsset



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Blood and Injury, Coming Out, Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hospitalization, Hurt, Injury, M/M, Major Character Injury, Violence, hurt!Casey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26503915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWinterAsset/pseuds/TheWinterAsset
Summary: 'As he turned the corner there was a sudden blinding pain at the back of his head and something sharp pierced his side.'
Relationships: Matthew Casey & Kelly Severide, Wallace Boden & Matthew Casey
Comments: 40
Kudos: 49





	1. Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, new little story, bit messed up… apologies, I guess. Set during… set during the CF universe in my head ‘cause the show stresses me out so I don’t watch it. Enjoy guys. (Please check the tags; don’t like then don’t read)

Boden finished off his morning announcement and looked to Matt. "Casey, you wanted to say a few words this morning?"

"Yes." Matt headed over to the front of the briefing room. "This won't take long and you can all get back to breakfast," he began.

Kelly frowned, he'd been leaning back against the wall, and was now standing straight, curious as to what Matt was about to say, the man was currently fidgeting with his sweatshirt sleeves.

"So, this is actually a personal announcement but you're, well, you're all like a family to me, as cliched as that sounds, and we're a team and I think it's important that we don't keep things from each other, it's one of the things that I think makes us work really well together as a house," he said, glancing over to Shay who gave him an encouraging smile. "I'm gay, so, Cruz you can quit trying to hook me up with your second cousin, it's not gonna happen," he added with a self-deprecating smile. He looked around the room, trying to gage everyone's reaction, his heart was pounding in his chest.

Otis stood up and smiled. "I have another cousin you might like," he said.

Matt chuckled, a small blush rising on his cheeks.

Everyone joined Otis, standing up, and Herrmann was nodding and smiling. Boden was patting his shoulder and everyone started to clap.

"Ok, guys, you can stop now…" Matt said, grinning. "Business as usual."

Matt remained standing next to Boden as they all filed out, he kept his eyes on Kelly. His friend had hardly reacted, only joining in on everyone's clapping, but Matt had seen how his face had remained passive.

Boden was still smiling when he placed his hand on Matts shoulder.

A bewildered expression crossed his face. "What?"

"I'm proud of you," Boden responded.

Matt was taken aback. No one had ever said that to him before. "Erm… thanks?"

"Really, that took some courage, I'm proud of you, Matt."

He swallowed and looked at Boden. "You don't mind? You don't hate… you don't hate me?" The question slipped out his mouth before he could stop it.

Boden shook his head. "Never, Matt."

"Sorry," he responded, clearing his throat and giving Boden a smile. He nodded to the door. "I'll go… thanks again."

Boden responded with another smile and stood back, watching as Matt left the room.

Shay was waiting outside in the corridor.

"Woah, hey…" Matt grinned, practically walking into her as he turned.

She remained standing in front of him, blocking his way. "So?"

"So what?"

She opened her mouth, exclaiming. "How are you feeling?" she asked him playfully.

"I don't know yet."

"Do you feel any worse?" she questioned.

"No… not yet anyway," he added. "Where's Kelly?"

"Think he went to the bunk room," she told him.

"Did you see him when I told everyone?"

"Yeah," she responded softly.

"Am I thinking too much into it or…"

"Give him some time, you know he's an old grump at heart," she teased, bringing a smile to Matts face. Matt had only come out to Shay after she gave him a ride home from the dentist, he'd had two wisdom teeth removed and was still feeling the effects of the medication they'd given him. He'd always wanted to keep his personal and professional lives separate, but that was before he realised how close he'd become to everyone at 51.

Their next few shifts happened like usual, nothing changed except Kelly's distance. There'd hardly been more than a handful or words spoken between him and Matt. Thoughts whirled around Matts head for hours each night, he'd considered telling Kelly first, on his own without anyone there, he considered the man to be his best friend, perhaps Kelly was annoyed he hadn't, or maybe Kelly no longer wanted to call himself his friend, although nothing homophobic had ever left Kelly's lips, and he'd been friends with Shay for years. Matt knew he was overthinking it, there was probably something else going on in Kelly's life right now, he'd check up on him, invite him round for a movie night, yeah, he'd do that.

Word had travelled around a few firehouses now, which Matt had expected. He'd heard hushed tones and hurried glances at scenes with other crews, he'd expected that too. He hadn't expected to see Kelly joining in, looking physically sick and walking away. At least that's what it looked like in Matts eyes.

Matt was walking a few blocks from his small townhouse; he'd spent the day at a construction job and got home to find there was nothing that he wanted for dinner. The sun was setting early, winter was fast approaching now, summer felt like it had come and gone in a blink of an eye, but he'd kept himself busy, mainly with work. As he was walking he dropped Kelly a message, inviting him over whenever he was free, he slipped the phone back into his pants pocket and turned the street corner.

As he turned the corner there was a sudden blinding pain at the back of his head and something sharp pierced his side.

He was dragged away. He lost sight of where he was. Natural light disappeared and the air grew stale. Noises clattered around. He was hauled up. Tied to a chair.

He was fighting back the entire time.

They knew his name. This wasn't random. They knew him.

Their derogatory words stung, but not nearly as much as the wound to his abdomen. The coppery taste of blood was filling his mouth. He pulled against the ties that held his wrists and ankles but there was no slack.

A fist slammed into his face. Blood rushed from his nose and he could feel consciousness drifting away.

His head was shaken violently.

"No, no, no. We're not done yet. Fag."

He looked up at the man. He recognised him under his hood, his eyes were unmistakable. Matt glanced around and figured he knew the other four men in the room. He felt physically sick.

His head was still being held. Defiantly, he did the only thing he could; he spat a mouthful of blood onto the man's face.

"Watch it, he'll give you aids," someone snarled, and there was a sharp jab sent into his side.

Matt was completely defenceless. Instinctively he tried to shield himself but he could do nothing more than move his head and shoulders. He was still dizzy from the initial blow to the back of his head.

A ruthless blow to his chest knocked the wind out of him. The chair scraped the floor. He wheezed and scrunched his eyes shut. He slumped forward, wishing they'd just get it all over and done with because he could feel tears threatening to fall and he knew that was only going to make everything worse.

It did.

Laughter erupted.

"He's crying," the man chuckled. "The little fag is actually crying!"

The man grabbed Matt's hair brutally and yanked his head back quickly and carelessly, showing Matts tears to the group.

Matt took the opportunity to slam his forehead down onto the man's chin. It probably hurt him as much as the guy, but he wasn't about to sit here and take all this without a fight.

The man's face contorted in pain, and then he brought his hand up to his lip, he looked down at his fingers and saw blood. He looked down at Matt, who was staring up at him, breaths ragged, face bruised and bloody, defiance still in his eyes. He stood himself up straighter and spoke.

"That was a bad idea, Lieutenant Casey…" He scoffed and continued. " _Lieutenant_. How did you manage that, bribe your way with the top brass? How could someone like you ever get into your position on skills alone?" He looked across to the right and gave a single nod.

An elbow crashed into Matts face. His vision blurred and something cracked. More blood spilled. And before he could recover a barrage of fists and steel toe cap boots were on him. He could do nothing but take the blows to his body and head. He coughed out blood and a couple of loose teeth. Saliva mixed with blood made its way down his chin.

His ears were ringing. He couldn't breathe, nose broken, filled with blood. He couldn't think. He could hardly see, blood pooling under his skin, eyes swelling. The skin in his face was tight, swollen, bloody and bruised, but the blows kept coming.

"Look!" More laughter. "He's pissed himself."

On final blow to the head sent him and the chair flying back down onto the floor with a thud.

Matt was barely conscious but he heard the next few words that were whispered into his bloody ear. "One word and we'll make your life in the CFD hell. Tell a single soul and I'll cut your balls off."

The plastic ties around his wrists and ankles were cut lose, but Matt didn't move, he slumped to the floor, unable to even lift his head.


	2. Emergency Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've borrowed Doctor Halstead and Charles, I've only seen the first episode of Med, so they're very likely gonna be OOC, but I love Doctor Charles in stories from RainbowTrout and it felt right that he was in this little story.

Matt must have lost consciousness because everything was now silent. He was alone. He tried to open his eyes, tried to see, they were swollen and bruised, he couldn't make much out, but maybe it was dark. He was lying on the cold ground, the chair was still by him and his memories flooded back.

His mouth was already swollen, it felt foreign, he could still taste blood, and he could feel the gaps in his teeth, gaping holes in his enflamed gums where they used to be, lips cut and bloody.

After a while he tried to move, his neck was already stiff and sore, his whole body was cold, his chest screamed in agony every time he took a breath.

He figured he'd just lie here, stay still until unconsciousness claimed him again and blood loss killed him, because he can remember the short knife that had sliced into him with no effort.

He closed his eyes and waited.

It was cold when he woke again, he lay still, focusing on breathing for a while before forcing himself up into a sitting position. It hurt like hell, but he didn't want anyone to find him here, or see him like this. Bruised and bloody with piss stained pants. He scrambled to his feet and immediately fell back down to his knees with a grunt. Persistence won through and he was soon standing, using the graffitied wall for assistance.

He caught his breath, trying not to breathe too heavily because of the sharp spikes of pain that occurred if he did. He took a few steps towards the metal door, head throbbing, leaning heavily on the wall still. The world was swaying, his head was heavy and heart racing as he made his way out.

The door didn't open. He fell back down to the floor, pulling himself back up, he put all his weight on the handle and managed to swing the door wide open. He fell again, falling with his palms flat on the ground. The air was cold, and the streetlights created shadows on the damp tarmac.

He scrambled up and moved forwards. He couldn't be far from the corner where he'd been taken, and that was only a few blocks from his house. He could make it back there.

Matt didn't make it back home.

He stumbled back onto the main street, by the corner where he'd been hit on the back of the head, two people walked by him, not even looking down, before a man knelt down, asking if he was ok. Matt collapsed in response, leaving the stranger to call for an ambulance.

Matt flittered in and out of consciousness during the journey to the ER.

"It's Lieutenant Casey," one of the paramedics told Doctor Halstead after giving him all the information they knew.

"What happened?"

"Man who was with him said he just found him on the sidewalk," the paramedic responded.

"Can someone contact the CPD, please," Halstead called out as he walked alongside the gurney into the bay.

He and his team started assessing Matt.

"Ok, let's get a chest x-ray, and I want a CT of his head…" Halstead spoke. Matts vitals were holding steady but he knew that could change quickly and they didn't know the full extent of his injuries yet. He expected to find multiple fractures at the very least. The stab wound seemed superficial upon first inspection but it was still bleeding. "I want a tox screen and we need to check for any sexual assault, check his throat as well, careful, his jaw looks dislocated," he added as the two nurses started to remove his clothing so they could check for injuries.

Matts eyes opened the moment, as much as they could. He didn't know where he was, voices surrounded him.

He shot up to a chorus of voices, telling him to stay still.

"Matt, Matt… it's Doctor Halstead, you're in the ER," he told Matt.

Matt groaned in pain as he tried to get off the gurney.

"Matt, I need you to stay still for me, we're still checking you over for injuries."

He gazed around the room. "No…" he mumbled when he found his voice.

"It's ok, you're in the ER, Matt. Do you remember what happened?"

"Wha… no… I'm fine, really don't need to be here…"

"I'd feel much better if you let us finish checking you out, the paramedics said you were stabbed, and we've ordered some scans to make sure…"

"Just a cut, really… just wanna go home," Matt said, pulling at the wires and tubes that were attached to him.

"You're bleeding through the gauze on your side again and we need to get some scans done," Halstead explained.

"I'm ok," Matt said breathlessly. His jaw was in agony and his mouth was throbbing.

Halstead reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, hoping to persuade him to lay back down. "Matt…"

He shot up, faster than anyone thought he would have been able to with the injuries it looked like he'd received. "Don't touch me!"

"Ok, I'm sorry, I won't touch you again if you get back on the bed for me," the doctor responded calmly.

"No… I…" he muttered, vision greying around the ages.

"Please, Matt. You will collapse," Halstead said warningly. "You've been stabbed, and at the very least you have a dislocated jaw and a concussion."

Matt shook his head. "I'm fine, just... just need a cab ride home… I'm fine…"

Halstead watched as Matt swayed on his feet. He gave a nod to the two other staff members who'd been closing in beside Matt, ready to catch him if he fell.

"All right, let's get him back onto the bed, please," he said as he moved in to start examining Matt again, going straight towards the bleeding wound on his abdomen.

When Matt next woke the buzz of noise had died down. He could here a steady beeping noise and voices in the distance. He didn't want to open his eyes. He knew where he was and he could remember what had happened to him. He couldn't ignore the world forever though.

Halstead watched as Matt woke, although it took some time for him to open his eyes. He'd been sat with him for a short time, periodically replacing ice packs to help with the swelling and bruising on his face. There was a bandage supporting his jaw, it had been a simple dislocation fortunately though, but his mouth was also a mess; missing and damaged teeth, swollen and cut. Halstead had finished his shift an hour ago but decided to stay so Matt had a familiar face to explain things to him.

"Hi, Matt, how are you doing?" Halstead began

"Wha…"

"Do you know where you are?" he asked.

"Damnhospital…"

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Whyareyouhere…"

"I do work here," Halstead responded with a small smile.

"Can I go home now? Shift tomorrow…" he mumbled.

"Do you remember what happened?" Halstead asked him again, ignoring the question.

He was met with silence.

"You have a concussion. What's the last thing you can remember?"

"Not letting me leave…" he said, wincing.

"How's the pain?"

"M'fine…"

"You're not. You were stabbed. You have some broken ribs, your jaw was dislocated, you have a concussion and two facial fractures. What happened?"

"What d'you think happened?"

"The cops have been, and they're going to come back, they'll want a statement from you when you're able," Halstead told him.

"Why?" he asked quietly.

"They've taken away some evidence, they're gonna run it for prints," Halstead explained simply.

"I didn't ask them to do that," he responded, wincing when he frowned.

"No, I did."

"You've wasted their time," Matt mumbled.

Halstead stood up. "I've admitted you, but it may be a while before you're taken to a room."

"Sorry…"

"You're gonna be ok, Matt, but let us help you. You're gonna be really sore for a while, and you may not be able to open your eyes soon, but the swelling will go down in two or three days. You needed some stitches but the knife was short and it didn't hit any organs. Your jaw is gonna hurt when you eat for a few days at least and the support bandage needs to stay on…"

"I've lost teeth…" he muttered absentmindedly.

"Three, and one's chipped, one was bent so we removed it, once the swelling has gone down you'll be able to go to the dentist if you want to get them sorted," Halstead told him.

"When can I leave?"

"In a few days at least," Halstead responded.

"No…"

"I'll let you rest now."

Halstead stepped out of the bay and slid the door shut.

"How is he?" Doctor Charles asked him softly. He'd been observing them from a distance.

"Defensive, and in pain," he responded.

"Did he tell you what happened?"

"Do you think he did?"

Charles stood back.

"Are you concerned?"

"Not yet," Charles said.

"He didn't want us to call anyone, I've given him his phone," Halstead explained.

"I'm going to call someone for him," he told Halstead.

"Is that wise?" he asked.

Charles nodded. "I think so."

"He's probably fallen asleep. Did you want to speak to him now?"

"There'd be no point, I'd get the same reaction as you did, possibly worse," Charles responded.

"He doesn't like shrinks?"

"No one does when they have a childhood like he did," Charles said. "Didn't your shift finish a couple of hours ago?"

"Yours did too," Halstead commented softly. "I'll see you in the morning," he added as he strode away.


	3. FAG

Boden was in bed when his phone rang. He wouldn't usually answer a personal call so late, but it was Daniel so he accepted the call as he got out bed, leaving Donna asleep.

"Hi, Wallace, sorry to call so late… it's Matt," Doctor Charles spoke, not hesitating to get straight to the point of his call.

"What's wrong?"

"He's been brought into the hospital, physically he's going to be fine but, I just wanted to let you know, he was adamant he needed to leave but that won't be happening, he's being admitted for monitoring," Charles explained.

"What happened?"

"Looks like he was… Wallace, he was beaten," he said.

"I'm on my way… does Kelly know?"

"He didn't want us to call him, he's his emergency contact, right?"

"Yeah, yeah he is…" he responded as he grabbed his car keys. "I'll be with you in thirty."

Doctor Charles met Boden in the ER and took him over to the bay Matt was lying in.

"How is he?" Boden asked as they walked alongside each other.

"He's going to be very sore for a while, Halstead was worried about severe fractures and internal bleeding but he's had scans now, there's some broken ribs, a couple of facial fractures, lots of bruising and some lacerations, he's lost some teeth, dislocated his jaw and has a concussion…"

"He got in a fight?" Boden questioned.

"No," Charles said starkly as they reached Matt, the lights were dimmed in the bay and the door was closed. "Wallace, there are restraint wounds on his wrists and ankles, and no defensive wounds."

"Was he…" Boden's voice shook. "Was he raped?" he asked as he peered into the small bay. He took in Matt's appearance, even from his viewpoint he could see how badly bruised he was. There was a bandage wrapped around his head, under his chin and over his forehead, and one on each wrist.

"No," he answered.

"He looks…"

"It looks bad, but the swelling and bruises will fade, he was struggling to open his eyes, but the swelling will go down in a couple of days. His phone and wallet were still on him," Charles explained.

"So someone restrained him, beat him up and left him?"

"It looks like they cut him free," Charles said.

"Who would…"

"Wallace, the paramedics checked his wallet on the way here, checking for his identity. His CFD ID had been graffitied; someone wrote 'FAG' on it. The police have taken it as evidence and they're gonna want to talk to Matt too," he told Boden carefully.

More alarm bells rang in Boden's head. "Has he said anything?"

"No, other than trying to refuse treatment, and asking when he can leave."

"Can I go in?"

He nodded. "Like I said, it looks bad, his face is swollen and he's very bruised, but he will recover. Will said he's been in and out of consciousness, he doesn't expect he'll remain awake for long at the moment. I'll stay out here."

Boden slid the door open and stepped inside, announcing himself softly as he closed the door again. "I'm gonna sit down with you, if that's ok?"

Matt mumbled something.

"Are you all right, Matt?"

"Chief…" his voice was scratchy.

"Yeah, it's me," Boden assured him.

"I'm sorry…"

"What for?"

"Own fault…" he muttered.

"Who did this to you?"

Matt remained silent.

"It's ok, you can tell me," Boden urged.

"I… I don't know," he responded hesitantly.

"That's ok, you went through a lot. The police will be able to help even with the smallest bit of information," Boden told him, wanting to reassure him, but it didn't seem to have that effect. "Is there anyone you want me to call? A friend?"

"No," Matt said quietly.

"Kelly?"

"No, no, please, not him…"

"I'm sure he'd want to be here, he'd want to make sure you were ok," Boden responded.

Matt shook his head and groaned.

"You're in pain…"

"M'fine," he responded through gritted teeth as Boden turned, mouthing to Charles.

"It's ok that you're not. I'm sorry this happened to you…"

"Oh fuck off… my fault… I said… I said it already…"

Boden gently took his hand. "It's ok, Matt. It's ok," he spoke soothingly, wishing there was more he could do.

"M'sorry… m'sorry…"

"I know, everything's gonna be all right, you need to stay here for a few days, then you can go home, be in your own house, your own bed."

"M'sorry… m'sorry…"

"It's ok, everything's gonna be fine. Just try and take some breaths, Matt, ok? We'll do it together… in… out… in… out… in… out… that's it… that's better… in… out…"

Eventually Matt relaxed. "Everything hurts…" he muttered quietly.

"I know, I'm sorry, it'll be better soon, I promise. They're gonna get you some more meds," Boden said.

"M'sorry…"

The door slid open and a nurse came in with some more painkillers for Matt. It didn't take long for him to drift off once he started feeling their effects. Boden thanked Charles and stayed with Matt for the rest of the night.

Matt was eventually moved up to a ward. He was in and out of consciousness, barely able to hold a conversation, but he took comfort from Boden's presence.

In the morning, Boden gently woke Matt. Wanting to tell him he was leaving. It took a few moments for Matt to gain his bearings.

"Hey, Matt, it's still early but I wanted to let you know I'm heading to the firehouse now," he told him quietly.

"S'morning? You stayed?"

"I'm heading to the firehouse now but I'll come by when I can…"

"I need to be there…"

"No, you need to rest and heal. What would you like me to tell everyone?"

"I'm sick or something…"

"I hate to say it, Matt, but they're gonna notice the bruises even when they're healing," Boden said.

"Tell them the truth then," he mumbled.

"What is the truth? Do you know who attacked you?"

"I don't remember, I don't know them,"

Boden gave him a sad smile. "I'll be off then. Call me if you need anything."

Matt was asleep again before Boden left the room.

Boden could feel the lack of sleep catching up with him as he stood at the front of the briefing room, watching everyone file in, he'd be able to catch up with some sleep eventually though. Everyone had already noticed Matts absence and a few theories had already started circulating. 

"Morning everyone," Boden began. "Herrmann would you mind filling in for Casey today, please?"

"Yeah, course, Chief… he's gonna be late?"

"He's not coming in today. He was taken to the emergency room last night…"

There was a chorus of shocked and worried reactions.

"He's going to be fine, but he will need a few shifts off. He was attacked," Boden told them all.

"By who?" Herrmann was standing up now, rolling up his sleeves as if he was about to storm out and hunt down whoever had hurt Matt.

"The police are handling it at the moment," Boden responded. "We'll be there for Matt when he needs us. For now, we need to carry on as usual."

Boden dismissed everyone, knowing the news was not going to provide a good start to the day, but they all knew they had a job to do.

"Shay… did he call you?" Kelly asked her quietly as they left the briefing room behind everyone else.

"Matt? No. Why?"

"I just… he didn't call me," Kelly responded, tone hushed.

"You've been a little… cold towards him," Shay told him.

"You don't know what happened?"

"He didn't call me, I know as much as you," she said.

Kelly stopped in front of her. "Will you call him?"

"No."

He frowned. "No? He's in the hospital…"

"Yeah and don't you think he's gonna be a getting a million messages from everyone now Boden's told us he is in the hospital. If he wanted us to know he'd have told us," Shay responded.

"He wouldn't tell us if his leg was hanging off, you know that," Kelly retorted. "He was alone and hurt."

"He wasn't alone. Boden was with him, did you notice how tired he looked just now? Boden was with Matt all night."

"Maybe I should just go to him," he said.

"Are you asking me what you should do?"

"No, I… yes…"

"Do what you think is right," she told him.

"But I don't know what that is…"

"You'll figure it out."


	4. Pass or Fail

Matt had been in and out of consciousness most of the day. He could hardly move and had struggled to get out of the bed, needing help from the nurse so he could just go to the bathroom, he'd had his left arm wrapped around his chest as he took slow and steady steps. It hadn't hard to avoid the mirror with his left eye swollen shut and right eye struggling to open. Everything was fuzzy, he put that down to the strong painkillers and the concussion. He'd not eaten anything yet but had drank some water, sipping it carefully through a straw. His mouth and lips felt like they'd tripled in size, he could feel some of his teeth were a little loose and there were cuts on the inside of his cheek. It hurt to speak; his jaw was painful despite still using ice packs where it had been dislocated. The nurse had offered to help freshen him up a little, there was still blood in his hair, too drugged and out of it, he didn't say no and accepted her help, and she removed the final remnants of blood and dirt from his body.

It was the middle of the day when he heard the door open. He didn't bother trying to open his eyes. "Hi, Matt. It's Halstead. How are you doing? How's the pain?"

"Manageable," he responded quietly, jaw too sore to move much at all. "Come to discharge me?"

"They're keeping you another night at least, they still want to monitor you, you got a really bad concussion," Halstead reminded him.

"Be fine," he said, shrugging it off as he opened his eye.

"Can you see much?"

He let out a low breath. "Be fine…" he mumbled.

"Yeah? How many fingers am I holding up?" Halstead asked, not holding any up at all.

"Two…" Matt responded vaguely.

"Nice try."

"When can I go home?"

"You'd have to check with your doctor now, but possibly tomorrow. I know you don't wanna be here, you don't want everyone checking on you or asking you a million questions, but we're just doing what's best for you, even if it doesn't feel like it."

"Doesn't feel like it."

"Do you want me to page your…"

"I want to go home," he said with a bit too much force, wincing at the pain from his jaw.

"I couldn't discharge you even if I wanted to," Halstead said. "You've been really hurt, Matt," he continued, forcing himself not to say that it could have been a lot worse, that his injuries could have been grave.

"Yeah? Didn't notice," he snarled.

"Matt…"

"If you're not here to discharge me, then you can get out… why are you even here?"

"Figured you might like the company, I know Kelly and everyone are working today."

"Get out," he spat. "I'll discharge myself."

Halstead stood up. "Fine. Go ahead and walk out of here," he responded, knowing full well that Matt was not in a position to stand, let alone walk right now.

Matt grunted in pain as he pushed himself up on his elbows, but he couldn't even sit up.

"I'll leave you to it," Halstead said before turning and walking away.

Matt dropped back down onto the bed, gritting his teeth as tears stung at his eyes. He regretted his words, but he hadn't been able to stop his anger and frustration from spilling over. Halstead had only been trying to be nice, he didn't need to use his own time to come and see him, but the man had, and Matt had only shown him hostility. He wanted to blame his concussion and the pain he felt, but he'd not even tried to stop the harsh words that had left his mouth. And then he realised he'd not responded to any of the messages he'd received from so many people at the firehouse. He was struggling to concentrate though, and had struggled to read all the messages, everyone had been so nice to him, it had been unexpected, or had it? He had just assumed that no one would care, but everyone cared. Boden had turned up and stayed with him, and he couldn't count the amount of messages he'd received.

But before he could even pick up his phone, he fell to sleep.

He woke to a knock on the door. He groaned.

"Afternoon, Matt," a man said as he entered. "My name's Doctor Charles, or Daniel if you prefer. I'm a friend of…"

"Know who you are… and what you do here…"

"Do you mind if I sit?"

"Can't stop you," Matt responded, not bothered to open his eyes.

He sat down. "How are you doing?"

"Fed up of that question. The answer is pretty obvious; I'm in pain, I'm sore and tired and I'd rather be anywhere but here," he answered.

"That's understandable. I have something for you; your meds," he said. "What time do you usually take them?"

Matt opened his eyes. "Take what?"

"Your anti-depressants…"

"Oh… them… erm… 8am," he said quietly.

"This dose is late then, you should have said something. You'll be fine to take them now though, I'll make sure you get some more at 8am tomorrow," Charles told him.

"Erm… thanks…"

"Pills…" Charles said, taking Matts hand and giving them to him. "And here's some water… here's the straw…" He made sure the straw was by Matts lips once he'd popped the pills in his mouth.

Matt swallowed and thanked Charles again.

Charles put the cup down. "Have you spoken to Kelly?" 

"Why?"

"Because you didn't want anyone to call him," Charles said.

"I still don't," he responded.

"That's fine."

"Good."

"Can I ask why?" Charles continued.  
  
Matt swallowed. "I don't want to talk to you."

"That's fine, you don't have to talk to me, but anything you did tell me, I can't and won't tell anyone unless I think you're in danger, or you are a danger to someone else. Are you?"

"No," he answered.

"You're not currently seeing a therapist?"

"No. The pills work just fine," Matt responded, growing more and more tired as every moment passed.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah mostly," he said.

"Mostly? You're on quite a heavy dose for mostly, have you tried others in the past?" Charles asked him.

"Yeah. You don't need to try and fix me," he added, letting his eye close.

"You think that's what I want to do?"

"People like you see my file and think I need to be fixed," Matt replied.

"I don't think you're broken. Do you think you are?"

"No, I'm just… me… just me," he said quietly, eyes still closed.

"Who sees you as broken?"

"Kelly, Boden, Shay… Andy did…"

"They tell you that?"

Matt opened his eye. "Didn't need to, some people just want to fix other people, others just want to break them, and sometimes you just have to pretend that the person who wants to fix you is actually making you feel better, because that makes them feel good," he told Charles wearily.

Charles smiled.

"What?"

"You know exactly what to say," Charles pointed out.

"You've seen my file, right? Are you surprised?"

"No. But I do want to make sure this push you over the edge."

"I wasn't near the edge, I'm no closer now," Matt told him, struggling to concentrate now, tiredness was winning over.

"Did you know that Boden talks about you like a son?"

"You called him?" Matt assumed.

"I did."

"Everyone would have found out eventually."

"True."

"I'm not special, you say Boden talks about me like a son, we're firefighters, I'm no different to anyone else in that house… I'm done with this now. Did I pass?" he asked as he let his eye close.

Charles stood up, watching Matt studiously as he did. "There was no pass or fail. It was just a conversation."

Matts eye fluttered open and a small frown graced his face as Charles left the room.


	5. Kelly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's another short one but I have zero energy at the moment. Enjoy this mess of a chapter :)

As soon as his shift was over, Kelly found himself driving over to the hospital. He'd barely slept, unable to relax. He'd not thought to ask Boden where Matt was, so he walked into the ER and found Halstead who directed him up to Matts room. Halstead warned him that he may not receive a welcome reaction from Matt.

Matt was sleeping when he entered the room, and it looked like he'd been suffering the side effects of the concussion; there were sick bags by his side, ready to use.

He took a seat by the bed and gazed at Matt. The bruises on his face and arms were a vivid purple colour, his lip was cut, eyes bruised and swollen, and his wrists were wrapped in pristine white bandages and there was an IV port in the back of his hand. He could only imagine how bruised and sore he was under the hospital gown and sheet.

Kelly fidgeted with the toggle on his hoody as he waited for Matt to wake.

A nurse came by and left.

Matt's breathing changed and a small frown appeared on his face as he shifted on the bed a little, but he didn't wake.

Kelly stood up and went over to the small window, all he could see was the building next door. He stretched his legs then sat back down just as Matt was waking.

"Hey, Matt…" he greeted once Matt had managed to pry his eye open, he was struggling even more today, but was hopeful the swelling would only decrease now.

He frowned at the voice, not sure he'd heard right. "Kel?"

"You look like shit… erm, so I've been a useless friend but I just wanted make sure you were ok… Sorry doesn't even cut it, I've been a crap friend."

Matt cleared his throat. "Are you ok?" he asked tiredly, still waking and hazy from the medication he was on.

"Me? I… yeah, Matt, I'm fine," he told him.

"What're doin' here?"

"Needed to see you," Kelly said.

"M'fine…"

"You didn't call me, they didn't call me…"

"Didn't wanna bother you," Matt responded.

"What did I say when you asked if I could be your emergency contact?"

"You said yes…"

"Which meant I _wanted_ to be your emergency contact, I wouldn't be bothered what time of day it was, whatever you needed me for, I'd be there," Kelly told him.

"I was fine, I am fine," he said quietly.

Kelly smiled. "Your definition of fine is very different to mine."

"Well, you're here now, and everyone knows I'm here…"

"Everyone cares about you."

"Doctor Charles saw me yesterday," Matt announced.

"Oh yeah? Did he tell you that you're mad?"

Matts chuckle turned into a wince. "Don't make me laugh," he groaned.

"Sorry… do you need some painkillers?"

"Had some many in the last 36 hours I've been seeing colours," Matt admitted.

"I've been a shitty friend recently," Kelly continued.

"A little… won't lie."

"Matt, you can't tell anyone this, erm, so… yeah, I feel like I owe you a reason…"

"You don't, it's fine, I understand," Matt said.

"No, you don't… in high school… I went out with this boy, this amazing boy, it wasn't ever gonna last forever or anything, but I just loved being with him, and well, looking at him… but erm… I couldn't deal with everything else that went with it, and I've never told anyone, but I miss him, and always wonder what things would be like now if… if people weren't such shits… and I'm not gay, I do like women, I love women, and I think I still like guys too, so, yeah, that's that, sorry. I don't to make this about me."

"Oh… I'm sorry you went through all that," Matt responded after processing what Kelly had told him.

"You thought I hated you, didn't you?"

"Thought I disgusted you," he corrected.

"Never, Matt."

Matt was silent for a short while, thinking. "You looked like you were gonna throw up because of what happened to you? Not about me, sorry… selfish moment… and if I'd thought about it, well, you and Shay are roommates, she doesn't disgust you, but maybe it was just me and…"

"Matt, buddy, you're thinking too much. You never disgusted me."

"Sorry… tired…"

Kelly shook his head; Matt didn't need to apologise. "Have you spoken to the cops yet?"

"No, Halstead put them off them coming yesterday…"

"Want me to be here when they come?"

"Doesn't matter, don't remember enough to tell them anything," Matt said.

"Matt… you were attacked," he retorted.

"My own fault."

"They can probably find some CCTV cameras or DNA or something…"

"Can you just drop it? This isn't CSI."

"Sorry…"

"No, look, I am, I'm sorry. I want to blame the concussion, the pain and the pills but…"

"You're in pain right now?"

"Nothing I don't deserve."

"Matt…"

"I'm tired, you've probably got stuff to do, you should go," Matt told him.

"More than happy to hang out here all day with you," he responded, giving Matt a small smile.

"Well, I don't want to hang out all day with you," Matt said.

"I don't want to go."

Matt snapped. "Not everything's about you."

"Matt…"

"You come in here and tell me you didn't speak to me for days because you had a shitty experience when you were in high school! We all had shitty experiences in high school. Get out."

"I'm sorry."

Matt turned his head so Kelly couldn't see his tears before he turned and walked away. He let out a sob when the door closed and he was left alone. Kelly stood in the corridor; he could hear Matt crying. He turned and put his hand back on the doorknob, he wanted to burst back into the room but he paused. He didn't want to make the situation worse than it already was, he let go and walked away.


	6. Home

Two police officers entered Matts hospital room a few hours after Kelly had left. Boden was sitting with Matt, and had been for last half an hour, Matt had barely uttered a word to him so Boden sat himself down and whipped out a book he was reading.  
  
“I can leave?” Boden asked, starting to stand.  
  
“S’fine,” Matt told him as the officers came over.   
  
“Matthew Casey? We’re here to…”  
  
“I don’t want to press any charges,” Matt said straight away.  
  
“Matt…” Boden began.  
  
“Sorry for your wasting your time,” Matt spoke to the officers, ignoring Boden’s plea.   
  
“Halstead’s brother insisted that we…”  
  
“I don’t remember anything, they didn’t steal anything, I just want to forget about it. I’m sorry for you wasting your time, I did tell them I didn’t want to speak to the police,”  
  
“He was very insistent… you don’t remember anything?”  
  
“No,” Matt he said firmly, wincing as he jaw was starting to throb in pain.  
  
“We can take some pictures and…”  
  
“Really, I don’t want to do anything about what happened,” he told them.  
  
“If you change your mind some pictures will…”  
  
“No. I’m not going to change my mind.”  
  
“Were you threatened?” the officer asked.  
  
Matt frowned. “What?”  
  
“Were you threatened?” the man repeated.  
  
“No… I… I said I don’t remember,” Matt replied.  
  
“Ok, well, call us if you change your mind.”  
  
Matt nodded and watched as they left. He let out a breath once the door was closed and he caught Boden’s expression.  
  
“You look disappointed?” Matt half-questioned.   
  
“No,” Boden said, passing Matt a cold compress for his face, he could see his discomfort clearly.  
  
Matt frowned, but was grateful as the coldness touch his skin, he held it against the side of his jaw.  
  
“Not at you, just at the situation,” Boden clarified.  
  
“There’s no point in making it all a big deal and getting the cops involved and…”  
  
“I trust your judgement, Matt.”  
  
He looked away.  
  
“If you do want to talk, but not to the cops or anyone, you know I’m here,” Boden reminded him.  
  
“Yeah, thank you… they better discharge me soon, I could be lying in bed at home for free,” he pointed out.  
  
“Insurance will cover this.”  
  
“Not my teeth,” he said, having already looked into his choices quickly.  
  
“That’s something you can sort late on, there’s a few options,” Boden replied positively.   
  
“Yeah… erm, I’m pretty tired, my head’s erm… fuzzy I guess, I’m not good company,” he said, putting the cold compress back down.   
  
“I’ll give you some privacy,” Boden responded. “You’ll message me if you need anything, I can give you a ride home when you’re discharged.”  
  
“Thank you,” Matt said.  
  
Boden placed a gentle hand on Matts shoulder and then left the room. Matt stretched his shoulders and winced, he felt even more sore now than before but had been instructed to keep moving, and he knew that would help but his chest hurt when he moved. Gingerly he brought a hand to his face and gently brushed his fingers over his bruised and swollen skin, even that light pressure over his jaw hurt, but he contributed all the talking to that too.   
  
He was discharged the next day, sent home with some strong painkillers and instructions on how to manage his fractures and wounds. He wouldn’t be on active duty for six weeks, but during the car ride from the hospital Boden informed him that if he wanted to start back doing light work in four weeks, then he could.   
  
After thanking Boden and locking the front door, Matt trudged into his bedroom, grabbed his favourite blanket and crashed on the bed, or lay down gently as anything sudden hurt too much, he was asleep within minutes, grateful he was in his own bed.   
  
Shay stopped by a few days later, he’d walked stiffly over to the front door and opened it to find her holding a bag of fresh donuts, with a smile on her face.  
  
“Boden told me you escaped the hospital,” she said as he let her inside.  
  
“Yeah, sorry, I’ve been quiet…”  
  
“It’s fine,” she told him, glancing up and down, taking in his appearance; the support bandage was gone but his face was still swollen, and there was a multicolour of bruises covering most of his skin, his left eye was still swollen shut and his lips still looked sore. “Just wanted to check in.”  
  
“I’m all right,” he said, the words seemed to have lost all meaning recently though, it was just something he said without thinking now.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Very sore… can’t really eat anything that’s hard. Those donuts smell good, are they…”  
  
“Plain sugar from the place you like,” she finished with a smile.  
  
“Thank you. How is everyone?”  
  
“Trying their best not to message you every day.” She let out a short chuckle.  
  
He raised his brows. “I doubt that.”  
  
“You’ve been missed at the firehouse… you look like you should sit down,” she added.  
  
“Erm… yeah,” he said, forcing a smile.  
  
She followed him into the lounge and watched as he sat down carefully on the couch, an arm wrapped around his delicate chest.  
  
“How are you sleeping?” she queried as she joined him on the couch.  
  
“On my back so not great,” he said with a shrug.  
  
“Kelly told me…”  
  
Matt shook his head. “I do not want to talk about Kelly.”  
  
She closed her lips tightly and ran a finger over her mouth.  
  
“Thank you. What have you been up to?”  
  
“Nothing worth writing home about, I’ve got some Netflix recommendations though?”  
  
“Go on then…”  
  
Shay stayed for the rest of the afternoon, only leaving because she could see how draining conversing was, which wasn’t surprising given his injuries.   
  
She turned back to him at the front door. “You should call Kelly, he feels really bad, he can an idiot, insensitive at times but he doesn’t have bad bone in his body.”  
  
“I know,” he responded softly.  
  
“And you’re too stubborn,” she said with a smile.  
  
“Don’t think I’d have got this far in life if I wasn’t,” he paused. “Do you know what Kelly told me?”  
  
“He just said you had a argument,” she replied.  
  
“Oh, ok.”  
  
“Ok, well, I’ll see you…”  
  
“Thanks for the company, and the donuts,” he said, nodding to the now half empty bag.  
  
“Call him,” Shay spoke as she turned away.  
  
Matt watched as she got into her car and left. For a fleeting moment he did almost grab his phone and call Kelly, but he didn’t. Instead he locked the door and went to bed even though it was only the middle of the afternoon.  
  
 **  
**


End file.
